Writing for an overly critical audience is not fun.

Meryl Streep once said, ‘I hate conflict and comparisons’. It was a relief to read that, as in the past I’ve always thought I was somehow lacking because of my lack of enthusiasm for competition. I thought I was soft and cowardly; not as tough and resilient as others, or as I should be. Over the years, I’ve observed both types of people – the competitive and the not – and I’ve come to the conclusion that toughness and resilience has sometimes little to do with competitiveness. Some of the most cowardly and insecure people I’ve known have been fiercely competitive.

Competition adds conflict and tension where there need be none. Yet some people thrive on it. It’s taken me a long time to be able to confidently buy out of it. Because after so much time spent being affected by subtle and not-so-subtle digs and grabs for points, I’ve realised something wonderful. Your work will be judged for itself. It’s pressure enough to have to produce something of value without adding what others have to say about it to the mix.

Clearly, there will ultimately be someone or a few ‘someones’ on whose opinion your work (and your reputation) depends. Much as that can at times add stress to life, it’s fine and can be handled. Nobody expects to get through life without being assessed, judged, screened, etc. But have you ever stopped to wonder how many opinions we accept into our lives that make absolutely no difference to the outcome? How many opinions that have no value, and have no place in the context of our work that we willingly let in? And the really staggering thing is that sometimes, these opinions that have no place being there actually do irreparable damage to our ability to carry on with our work.

The trick is to know which opinions to listen to, and which to turn away from, to protect ourselves against. Or to not grant an audience at all. Unless we are selective about which bits of advice we take on board, we may be doing more damage than good.

Some advice is spot on. It can help us turn mediocre work into brilliance, or it can save us a whole lot of time. Astute advice comes from knowledgeable others who have your best interest at heart. These individuals can be colleagues, or friends, or virtual strangers. How long we have known someone, or how close the relationship between us is no way to judge whether they will be good critical friends. This is the difficult thing. I once read a book THE DEFINING DECADE about how virtual strangers will be more influential in helping us develop as people because they don’t have any personal reason to hold us back. So I guess the lesson there is to be open and trusting enough to allow good to come to you from the most unexpected places.